Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Contrary to beliefs it’s not really the bouncer’s job to win fights. It’s my job to keep the bar safe for the 99% of the patrons who came to have a great time, let go of the stress of the work week; to dance, to laugh and hopefully go home with someone hot. To most of them, I’m the guy who checks their ID for proof of legal age, and later tells them where to find the bathroom. But, for the 1%, whose inner life holds unresolved trauma and pain, who came out tonight to get wasted, and perhaps to find trouble- they will find a different me.
And, I must remember that they are not my enemies. They are just like me. They are human beings trying to make it in a chaotic universe. They are children of the same source, children of imperfect parents, and now these children are all grown up and drunk and acting silly and horny and they’re going to have to learn their lessons the hard way. All I can do is end the conflict with great skill, and try not to take it personally. And, then return to my post, wait for the adrenaline to pass, then help a couple of drunk girls find their shoes.
I have been working in bars for so long that I no longer question why. That was not always the case. For a long time, I went to and from work in misery. Poor me. I am not intelligent enough for a desk job. Poor me. I am only good enough to get people drunk, and to make sure they don’t hurt each other. But, I realized that I was fighting with reality, judging myself for being exactly who I was, and in doing so, was the definition of insanity: to argue with reality. And, so I have come to love and honor myself and my job. In this way I can be of more service to my fellows when they are too drunk to stand, too tired to catch a cab, too high to find their shirt…I am grateful to have a job. To have a home and food and leisure time in which to write this blog. Thank you Universe for all that you have blessed me with. Forgive my monkey mind’s complaints.
Oh monkey mind....don't fret!
“Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don’t belong.”- dalton
…I learned from Patrick Swayze:
- Dalton: All you have to do is follow 3 simple rules: One, never underestimate your opponent..expect the unexpected; Two, take it outside, never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary; and Three…be nice.
- Hank: [Incredulously] Come on!!
- Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker I want you to be nice
- Hank: [With resignation] Ok
- Dalton: Ask him to walk, be nice, if he won’t walk, walk him, but be nice, If you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you and you will both be nice…I want you to remember, that it’s the job, it’s nothing personal.
- Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn’t personal?
- Dalton: No, it’s two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response
- Steve: What if somebody calls my Mama a whore?
- Dalton: Is she?
- [everybody snickers]
- Dalton: I want you to be nice.. until it’s time..to not be nice
- Bouncer: So, uh, how are we supposed to know when that is?
- Dalton: You won’t..I’ll let you know…You are the bouncers I am the Cooler; All you have to do is watch my back and each others….and take out the trash!
*Note: for more amazing quotes from Roadhouse, such as “You know, i heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck,” visit this funny blog:
10 Best “Roadhouse” Quotes